In Search of A Virtuous Woman

Isaac and Rebecca

Who can find a virtuous woman? 

For her price is far above rubies. (Proverbs 31:10)

A virtuous woman is one of spiritual wealth and strength and therefore is hard to find. She is described in the Bible as --"Her price is far above rubies."   

The Bible is not silent in the pursuit of a virtuous woman by godly men. When Abraham faced a situation where no godly women were available in his immediate area for his son, he placed Isaac under the authority of his chief servant and sent him far away where a suitable mate could be obtained (see Gen. 24). Similarly, when Isaac could not find a godly mate for Jacob in Canaan, he sent him away to a relative’s household in Padan Aram (see Gen. 28).

Rev. Brian Schwertly, teaching elder of Westminster Presbyterian Church of Waupaca County,   in an essay titled, Establishing a Christian Home, explains:

"A good starting point for seeking a mate is to first understand how the Bible defines a good Christian. One should never consider marrying a lukewarm, half-hearted, semi-committed, backslidden professor of Christ. How can one tell if a person is a committed Christian? While no mere mortal has the ability to examine or know the human heart, nevertheless, there are external indicators that point one in the right direction. As Jesus said: “You shall know them by their fruits” (Mt. 7:16ff.). There are two main areas to examine in order to determine the spiritual quality of a potential spouse. These are DOCTRINAL and PERSONAL sanctification."

He further added, 

"When pursuing a godly spouse there are some important overarching considerations to keep in mind: 

1. One cannot overemphasize the necessity of prayer in finding a godly mate. By praying to God we not only acknowledge that we are dependent upon His assistance in secondary causes when choosing a mate (e.g., wisdom, guidance, direction, etc.); we also acknowledge that as the sovereign Lord, God Himself is our matchmaker. Indeed, the Bible teaches that there is a special loving providence regarding the marriage of His people. “Houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the LORD” (Prov. 19:14). 

Thomas Manton writes,  “The land of Canaan was divided by lot; but marriage is by the special destination of His providence, either for a punishment to men, or for a comfort and a blessing. Here providence is more immediate, by its influence upon the hearts of men; here providence is more strange and remarkable, in casting all circumstances and passages that did concern it. Estates fall to us by more easy and obvious means, and, therefore, nothing be exempted from dominion of providence, yet a good wife is especially said to be of the Lord. So also Prov. xvii. 22, ‘Whoso findeth a wife, findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.’ A wife that is a wife indeed—one that deserveth that name—he that findeth her, it is not a chance to him, but an ordered thing by God. He hath not only experience of God’s care, but his goodness and free grace to him in that particular. Well then God must be owned, sought, glorified, in this particular. The husband, in the catalogue and inventory of his mercies, must not forget to bless God for this, and the wife for the husband. The Lord was gracious in providing for me a good companion; I obtained favour from the Lord.” 

Out of a loving concern for Adam God fashioned Eve and brought her to him. We must pray for God to bring us a husband or wife of His special choosing; a husband or wife found by God’s providence to our particular physical and spiritual needs; a husband or wife who will help us in our chief end which is to seek first Christ’s kingdom and His righteousness (Mt. 6:33).             

2. Closely connected to the previous point is the necessity of patience. Prayers must be accompanied by a trust in God’s loving providence. One must wait for a godly Christian and thus one must not compromise biblical principles when making decisions. Many professing Christians have made horrible unbiblical decisions regarding marriage because of impatience; because they were unwilling to wait for God to bring the proper mate. When men and especially women get to a certain age there can be fear and anxiety over the future. In such circumstances a person must cast all of their anxiety upon the Lord, pray and make sure that all proper secondary means are being used to find the appropriate husband or wife. “Those whom God bringeth into it are likely to fare best, and they that resign themselves up into his hands, to be disposed of by him, surely take the readiest way to obtain the happiness they expect.”            

3. There must be an active seeking for the appropriate husband or wife. In other words, one must use all the lawful means to find a Christian husband or wife. Jesus instructed the disciple to pray for our daily bread (Mt. 6:11; Lk. 11:3). Scripture also teaches us that we must go out and work so that we can obtain the food, shelter and clothing we need. A person who wants to catch fish does not go to a desert but to a lake. Likewise, if a person is seeking a godly Christian husband or wife, they must place themselves in a position to meet such people. When we pray for God to bring us the proper person, we do not expect the person to drop out of the sky. We are asking God to providentially (through secondary means) bring the person into our path. "

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